his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
