he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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