I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
