It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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