I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
