a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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