I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
