just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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