I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
