just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
