And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
