Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
