Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
you guys were way drunker than both of me
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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