Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize