I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
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