I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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