you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
