we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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