im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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