So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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