He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i would punch a child for taco bell
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
