Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
