the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
