whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
