How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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