6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
