I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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