I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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