btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
