just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
