At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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