so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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