He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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