i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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