Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
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She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
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Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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