So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
