Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
