im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Randomize
