Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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