I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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