You're completely useless in the revolution.
Do you still have your period?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
