You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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