I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
