So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
