Having a random hookup so left but love u
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
