Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
