I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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