oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
