On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
