also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
