You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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