I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
