I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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