my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
