Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
