scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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