Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
