i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
