East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
