We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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