Well douche your snatch and let's go!
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
