is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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