the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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