The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
