..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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