Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
whose parrot is this?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
