I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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