she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
two words: eviction party
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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