if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize