the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
