tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
did you just send me my own nude
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
