The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
