I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
