what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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