my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
