I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
