You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
