Your face is a jimmy john
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
