I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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