u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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