phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
