just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
